The past few weeks haven't excalty been the easiest weeks of my life. Life isn't suppose to be easy and I know this with all my heart but I like for life to fall into place like I want it to be. Last night life came to almost breaking down in the middle of the Wal-mart parking lot ( you know that's bad). My car has been a lot of my problems and yesterday it decided that it had enough and just quit. It quit with smoke and smelling like something on fire. So needless to say I was getting really mad a God in my head. (cause Kris didn't need to know my sin out loud).
In my head I was really asking God how can you let this happen "here we are trying to do what You want us to do, we've moved away from our parents, we live without a lot of stuff, we don't complain that much and then you just let things to down the drain." I mean I was really giving it to Him in my head' you know and of course mKing me sound like Saint Jessi patron saint of all the saints. Kris and I were both think like thousands of dollars to fix my jeep and where are we going to get money like that. We don't have any credit cards ( collective gasp from all reading this we probably are the only two people with out one , but if we don't have the money for it we don't need it) how in the world are we going to fix this. EJ pulls up and says awww no biggie it's just one of the battery cables is to short.
It won't cost much at all to fix it and the car will run like it should. He also said that it's been trying to reset its self. That explains a lot of Benson's problems. Benson is my jeep. We cranked it up after he had rigged it a little bit and it was almost just like new and boy did o feel dumb.
Why would I have ever doubted God. Why? When we were looking for a bigger apartment he provided for us with an apartment on discount. When Kris hurt his knee I had a job the next day. Then while working at that job He puts my dream job in my lap and also a job for Kris. he has given us more than enough and has never let us done not once. So why would this time be different? It wouldn't be. I was just being Jessi patron saint of Self.
Why is it that I always think that I am the one expectation the the rule. That God loves me more or something, that because I love Him and give up stuff for Him that the rest should be easy. That even though I make fun of him, but some where deep inside I believe Joel and his prosperity Gospel that he preaches. When I know that is not the way it is or should be.
Look at the twelve they had a hard life. All marytered except for John and he had boiling oil poured over him and lived and then was exiled to an island of criminals....you know that was some pretty bad weeks a lot worse than mine. But yet somehow my life is suppose to be different. You know those men didn't find joy or happiness in things but in Jesus Christ . Do you think that Paul would have gotten upset and broken down in the wal-mart parking lot cause his car wouldn't work? Or Peter angry with God because of things at work. I am thinking no. Just call it a wild gander. So why should I not look at these things as a time to praise Jahveh Rafa?
So last night I got a slap in Da face by how great God is and how little I deserve His love and all the many things that He provides daily. How constantly think woe is me and not how great is He.
