What does this mean?

Growing up with older siblings I often watched tv shows that kids my ages didn't watch. Our favorite show, which would be the only show I have so far have watched from beginning to end. (I cried like a baby when the last episode aired my senior year of high school) for thirty minutes we would all gather around Dad's gianormous 1970's t.v. and for that time there would not be any fussing or fighting. The show had a lot to do with how much I loved it but also it was the time I got to spend with my brother and sister that I also enjoyed,
My freshman year of college I found four girls with a love for FRIENDS as big as mine. We we stay up late watching episodes, and putting of the major load of work that needed to be done. We also found that we all had personality traits that went along with each character. My roommate was Monica and I of course was Phoebe. For anyone who knows me this isn't a far fetch. She's flighty, makes up crazy songs, and most of the time has no idea. One of the things she used to say is "What does it mean?"
Well in true Phoebeesquic fashion I asked myself that same question today. What does it mean to act like Christ and put on the fruits of the spirit daily. Why I asked myself this question....I was talking about it today with my kids. As we were going over the fruits of the spirits and what our lives should look like to put them on daily. I really had to ask my self do I?
"but the fruit of Spirit is love, joy, peace, kindness, longsufferning, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness,self-control, against such there is no law. Galatians 5:22. Does my life look anywhere close to being these things daily? What does it mean to do this daily? Most days I have some of the fruits of the spirit but I am always lacking in some area. So what does it look like for me to in compass all of them all day long. What does this mean for my life?
One of the areas I thought I as "good" in I totally flipped a lid the other weekend in. When it comes to faithfulness and knowing that God will supply our needs, I've always been "good" in. I guess that is why I am such a laid back person, but the other weekend I didn't trust God like i should have. So at night about a certain mattered I had been worrying about it and worrying and needing a sleeping pill to go to sleep about. So I had asked Kris about and asked Kris about and each time he told me the same answer "I don't know". Well I heard a conversation he was having with his mom and which he did tell her the answer that had kept me up at night a fretting about. Let's just say I am amazed that we are still married. Poor the thing I let out all my anger and frustration that I had on him. All those long nights worrying, all the mind wondering back to that one thing. All because I didn't trust the God who had brought be through the valley and through the desert and back to the other side.
I don't think this is just a question for me but for you as well.....What does it mean to have the fruits of the Spirit daily in your life?"

Not Getting Any Younger

The phrase "you aren't getting any younger" really hits home with me. I know to most I probably don't seem that old but working with kids all day will make you feel that way. With birthdays drawing near I see how my parents must have felt. My niece is soon to be three. Just yesterday it seems like dad and I were making that long trek through the snow and ice to see that beautiful bundle of joy. Now she's about to start pre-school. I feel old. I felt old when my fourth graders last year became fifth graders this year. This cycle will continue. That makes me feel old.
It is pretty bad but almost every night I lay there in bed and think boy I am not getting any younger. I think well I don't want to be old when I have kids, but I wanna finish my final degree. I think though I want to have more than one. So what does that mean. I just feel my own old age setting in and it is starting to scare me.

What is wrong with me

Do you know how many times I have asked that question this past month? I ask it all the time when I do something stupid, or silly, or whatever will happen. The other night I asked my self that question what is wrong with me. Paul talks about we sin knowing that we shouldn't and what it leads to. But guess what we do it anyways.
That night I laid in bed probably feelilng as far away from my Savior as I had almost ever felt. I have let stupid things take over my life, school, getting ready for a baby shower, t.v.,the house and so much more. I just let all these things take the place where Jesus used to consume every part of my life. I didn't sleep that night. I laid awake that night thinking about how my life used to be. How life was when Jesus and I were tight. It was like looking upon someone else life and going wow I wish I could be them. It is so weird to be disconnected from who I once was.
This disconnect is seen in everyday life. It is seen with how I deal with Kris, my co-workers, my students, and I am sure in everything else I do. I feel like my plug has been pulled and the last while I have been running on my own power and not the power of the One who made me. That is my biggest sin. Like I know we are not suppose to pin point our sins but that is my HUGE GIAGANTIC BAD MAMMOTH sin. I think that is one of the sins that no one like to admit to. So I am going to take this like AA admitting the things you do wrong out in the open for all to see.
I know my problem, now with God's help I can fix it. I am fixing two problems at once. The not spending time with God problem and letting Him be my all and the fat problem. For Me be a glutton is a sin like me not spending time with God. This problem I have been working on for a while. But all for the wrong reasons. But it is a sin a sin that needs to be out of my life. So will you hold me accountable?

FRIDAY ALMOST HERE KIND OF SORTA MAYBE

Everyday last week I woke up thinking this is the week that I am able to go home. Everyday I was disappointed when I realized nope next week. So this week the week that we are leaving is dragging by. The days go by like a man with a with a 1,000 pound boulder on his back going up a mountain. I love my job and I love what I do, but I haven't seen the mountains in almost seven months and that takes a tole on ones mind. Not seeing the mountains plus family and friends tends to make one a little on edge and unstable. We are leaving Friday after work and I cannot wait. I even told Kris to put the dogs in the car so we don't even have to go home. He laughed at me.
Yesterday I was fixing supper and I actually thought about what this week brings with it. We are a little over a month from being married for two years. It's kind of just flew by. Not kind of it has. Two of our friends were married in November two years ago and they have a one year old. That just blows me away because that could be us. Someone asked me the other day if I had "baby fever yet." I replied with a resounding "No." I know that sounds crazy. I look at the big picture of that kid is either normal because of you or they are completely screwy because of you. i am pretty messed up myself, so I figure that my kids don't have a shot and will be left in the screwed up for life category. I don't think Kris could even balance out my craziness, even though he does try. Maybe I just need to grow up a little bit more.

Forgotten or Just Put Away?

I am reading Francis Chan's Forgotten God. It is an amazing incredible must read kind of book. In the book he writes about the fact that hey there are three parts to the trinity. The Father, the Son, and the HOLY SPIRIT.

Being from the Bible belt, a Conservative southern Baptist Church ( that I went to all my life until a year ago), and going to a strict Southern Baptist College, has lead me to be one of these people who forget some times about that third "person" in the trinity. I spent a lot of time when I was younger thinking about how three things can be one thing. I also I am pretty sure drove my family crazy with asking him how it was possible. Chan writes about how the church in general has forgotten him as well. I certainly had.
How could I have forgotten the one who Jesus sent to be our Counselor. Who Paul, Stephen, and many more full relied on. Who with the Holy Spirit lead THOUSANDS upon THOUSANDS to the cross. Jesus talks constantly about the counselor and that He is coming and will do more than he could have. So why on earth do I not think about the Holy Spirit?
We as a church have forgotten about the Holy Spirit. It doesn't matter rather or not that you are a Strict Southern Baptist, a Roman Catholic , or a crazy carsamtic. We all have forgotten. Most Southern Baptist churches would not know the Holy Spirit if the Holy Spirit were to come into the church walls with a sign around it's neck that says Holy Spirit. Then if they did they would have no clue what to do with Holy Spirit and more than likely ban it from their church. Because the Holy Spirit would cause rifts in the way things have been done for years.

Home sweet home

Jessi Hardin Crippin is a homeowner. So this means Jesus might be coming back soon haha.

Right now Kris and I are praying about going to visit Jen. The other day I broke down because I haven't gotten to hold Lorelia and this makes me very sad. Poor Kris having to deal with my breakdowns.

Cause I am gone to Carolina in my mind

James Taylor says it so well. For those of us who can not live there this song rings in your head constantly. I love Louisiana. I love my family here. I love my friends. I love,love,love my job. But there is one thing about it it's not home. Some of my family and friends just don't understand it. They think that South Carolina should just been some thought and not something I miss. i really want to ask them to pack up and move 8 hours from the place where they grew up and all of their friends and family still are. I don't think they have a clue how it feels to be buying your first house and your parents can only see Internet views. Or not binning able to go get coffee with your best friends when you want to go let a little steam off.
Anyways...off the box... I miss my family, I miss my friends, as crazy as it sounds I miss the food, and I miss the state it's self. I miss the fresh mountain area, the hills, the way something is always in bloom, the cool spring waters that hide in the mountains, the beaches, the winding roads that lead to observe quaint places, the accents, the stretch between Greenville and Columbia the lakes, the cover of the trees everywhere, the shag, the beach music and so much more. But most of all I miss the time. Time just doesn't seem to move as fast. Everything is a slower pace. I don't think its that I just seemed to have more time I did have more time. Mow I know that sounds crazy but even as we go home now we still seem to have more time. Here it is always rush rush rush. Even on the days that we don't have anything to do, that time together seems to move by a lot faster. I love the fact ,sometimes, that there is always something to do, but sometimes I just want time to slow down.
Often time I wonder if South Carolina is in some vortex or black hole. Because there is just something about it that seems to be untouched by the rest of the fast paced life. I think of South Carolina and oldies play in my head as scenes of my life there past by. That could be my parents fault with waking me up every Saturday morning to the oldies.