What is wrong with me

Do you know how many times I have asked that question this past month? I ask it all the time when I do something stupid, or silly, or whatever will happen. The other night I asked my self that question what is wrong with me. Paul talks about we sin knowing that we shouldn't and what it leads to. But guess what we do it anyways.
That night I laid in bed probably feelilng as far away from my Savior as I had almost ever felt. I have let stupid things take over my life, school, getting ready for a baby shower, t.v.,the house and so much more. I just let all these things take the place where Jesus used to consume every part of my life. I didn't sleep that night. I laid awake that night thinking about how my life used to be. How life was when Jesus and I were tight. It was like looking upon someone else life and going wow I wish I could be them. It is so weird to be disconnected from who I once was.
This disconnect is seen in everyday life. It is seen with how I deal with Kris, my co-workers, my students, and I am sure in everything else I do. I feel like my plug has been pulled and the last while I have been running on my own power and not the power of the One who made me. That is my biggest sin. Like I know we are not suppose to pin point our sins but that is my HUGE GIAGANTIC BAD MAMMOTH sin. I think that is one of the sins that no one like to admit to. So I am going to take this like AA admitting the things you do wrong out in the open for all to see.
I know my problem, now with God's help I can fix it. I am fixing two problems at once. The not spending time with God problem and letting Him be my all and the fat problem. For Me be a glutton is a sin like me not spending time with God. This problem I have been working on for a while. But all for the wrong reasons. But it is a sin a sin that needs to be out of my life. So will you hold me accountable?

FRIDAY ALMOST HERE KIND OF SORTA MAYBE

Everyday last week I woke up thinking this is the week that I am able to go home. Everyday I was disappointed when I realized nope next week. So this week the week that we are leaving is dragging by. The days go by like a man with a with a 1,000 pound boulder on his back going up a mountain. I love my job and I love what I do, but I haven't seen the mountains in almost seven months and that takes a tole on ones mind. Not seeing the mountains plus family and friends tends to make one a little on edge and unstable. We are leaving Friday after work and I cannot wait. I even told Kris to put the dogs in the car so we don't even have to go home. He laughed at me.
Yesterday I was fixing supper and I actually thought about what this week brings with it. We are a little over a month from being married for two years. It's kind of just flew by. Not kind of it has. Two of our friends were married in November two years ago and they have a one year old. That just blows me away because that could be us. Someone asked me the other day if I had "baby fever yet." I replied with a resounding "No." I know that sounds crazy. I look at the big picture of that kid is either normal because of you or they are completely screwy because of you. i am pretty messed up myself, so I figure that my kids don't have a shot and will be left in the screwed up for life category. I don't think Kris could even balance out my craziness, even though he does try. Maybe I just need to grow up a little bit more.

Forgotten or Just Put Away?

I am reading Francis Chan's Forgotten God. It is an amazing incredible must read kind of book. In the book he writes about the fact that hey there are three parts to the trinity. The Father, the Son, and the HOLY SPIRIT.

Being from the Bible belt, a Conservative southern Baptist Church ( that I went to all my life until a year ago), and going to a strict Southern Baptist College, has lead me to be one of these people who forget some times about that third "person" in the trinity. I spent a lot of time when I was younger thinking about how three things can be one thing. I also I am pretty sure drove my family crazy with asking him how it was possible. Chan writes about how the church in general has forgotten him as well. I certainly had.
How could I have forgotten the one who Jesus sent to be our Counselor. Who Paul, Stephen, and many more full relied on. Who with the Holy Spirit lead THOUSANDS upon THOUSANDS to the cross. Jesus talks constantly about the counselor and that He is coming and will do more than he could have. So why on earth do I not think about the Holy Spirit?
We as a church have forgotten about the Holy Spirit. It doesn't matter rather or not that you are a Strict Southern Baptist, a Roman Catholic , or a crazy carsamtic. We all have forgotten. Most Southern Baptist churches would not know the Holy Spirit if the Holy Spirit were to come into the church walls with a sign around it's neck that says Holy Spirit. Then if they did they would have no clue what to do with Holy Spirit and more than likely ban it from their church. Because the Holy Spirit would cause rifts in the way things have been done for years.

Home sweet home

Jessi Hardin Crippin is a homeowner. So this means Jesus might be coming back soon haha.

Right now Kris and I are praying about going to visit Jen. The other day I broke down because I haven't gotten to hold Lorelia and this makes me very sad. Poor Kris having to deal with my breakdowns.

Cause I am gone to Carolina in my mind

James Taylor says it so well. For those of us who can not live there this song rings in your head constantly. I love Louisiana. I love my family here. I love my friends. I love,love,love my job. But there is one thing about it it's not home. Some of my family and friends just don't understand it. They think that South Carolina should just been some thought and not something I miss. i really want to ask them to pack up and move 8 hours from the place where they grew up and all of their friends and family still are. I don't think they have a clue how it feels to be buying your first house and your parents can only see Internet views. Or not binning able to go get coffee with your best friends when you want to go let a little steam off.
Anyways...off the box... I miss my family, I miss my friends, as crazy as it sounds I miss the food, and I miss the state it's self. I miss the fresh mountain area, the hills, the way something is always in bloom, the cool spring waters that hide in the mountains, the beaches, the winding roads that lead to observe quaint places, the accents, the stretch between Greenville and Columbia the lakes, the cover of the trees everywhere, the shag, the beach music and so much more. But most of all I miss the time. Time just doesn't seem to move as fast. Everything is a slower pace. I don't think its that I just seemed to have more time I did have more time. Mow I know that sounds crazy but even as we go home now we still seem to have more time. Here it is always rush rush rush. Even on the days that we don't have anything to do, that time together seems to move by a lot faster. I love the fact ,sometimes, that there is always something to do, but sometimes I just want time to slow down.
Often time I wonder if South Carolina is in some vortex or black hole. Because there is just something about it that seems to be untouched by the rest of the fast paced life. I think of South Carolina and oldies play in my head as scenes of my life there past by. That could be my parents fault with waking me up every Saturday morning to the oldies.

All Night

Blogging at 5 in the AM let's see how this works out.

House number two underway. For those who haven't hear house number one didn't work out so much. House number two is a whole lot nicer and bigger so fingers crossed and prayers needed.

School starts in a week. I am running around like a chicken with my head cut off trying to finish everything because we have Orientation Tuesday. Year number two isn't near a nerve racking. I have very mixed emotions about this second year. I feel as if I can't have any cooler kids than I did last year and I am going to miss them. I am on the other hand excited to have a new set of students who will have another special place in my heart. I am trying, trying being the major word in this sentence, to get ahead start on being more organized. Let me tell you it's for the birds. Kris says I am going a little overboard but I just think he doesn't get it. I really want every kid that comes through my class to remember that year as the year they learned more and had more fun doing it than any other year before.

We have a new niece her name is Lorelia. I got to talk with her today. I am sure that she understood every word of the baby talk too :-). I really miss not being there and holding her. I had to hold back the tears because I was talking with them at work. EB is as cute as ever. It's just weird, like for me there has always been EB and she has been the wallpaper and back drop on my everything. She is also the one I go on and on about and people are giving me the shut up Jessi she's just your niece kind of look. And now she shares that spot with a little baby that is her sister. I just don't have a picture of them together so EB is back drop on everything but my phone. Phone goes to Lorelia.

I guess that is how my dad, sister, and brother felt. Haha! Man I wish I could really go to sleep. Lock in NEVER again!

I Don't Wanna Grow UP

So 210 N. Queens could be the house of our dreams (maybe).

Sometimes, well quite frankly most of the time I do not feel old enough to be buying a house. I do not feel old enough to be married, have a dog, take care of rent, have gown up job, and so on and so forth. But I guess that i am old enough I just do not feel like I should be.

The two things that make me feel the oldest...buying a house and the question on every single person I have talked to in the last six months children. When did I become old enough to even ask about those two things? When did I become mature enough to even think of those two thoughts? I look in the mirror and I can see the effects of aging already starting to take place. At the ripe old age of 21 ;-) the notion of living forever on this earth is hitting me harder than ever.

You know the AT&T commercial where the man sees the woman on the train and then they skip ahead to their future and their son is president...yeah that does not appeal to me. I feel like it should. To grow old with the man I love and to have children that I am proud of who will have child. To see my sister, cousins, and friends with their children makes me want one but to think of them growing up and me having to grow older yeah not so much into that. I am i having a mid-life crisis before my mid- life?

And then to top it off all of my friends are getting married or in serious relationships. We are having careers of our own, nurses, teacher, working for newspapers. When did our dreams become reality? What is going on? When did we all become old enough to be old enough?

I still re-late life situations to things on tv. Grown ups don't do that.